Not only in Tokyo did I miss many opportunities to express myself. There were also many opportunities before and after that I didn't use. Am I upset about this? Sometimes yes. Then why didn't I use the time? I think that's definitely due to the fact that there's not only Nicole, but also her counterpart, who has a mind of his own and of course his own reason for being. It wasn't and isn't the case that when I'm Nicole, I'm in the right "role". Of course, the longer I don't have the opportunity, the stronger the desire and at some point it breaks through. Especially in the times when I lived alone for a long time and was therefore available almost every evening and many weekends, this pressure just didn't build up. So it happened that my other self took up a lot of space or I was simply too lazy. After all, it always takes a certain amount of time to get ready, I think all women know what I'm talking about.
Of course, I keep thinking about the two stays abroad and the time after my return. Of course I also think about how I could have used the time, but not in the form of "wow, how stupid was I?" but more in the way of "oh, if I had the opportunity now, I would...." . With all the years of experience I would probably use the time more - even if that's just speculation. As mentioned the time before last, today's Internet would certainly have helped. Because especially as a teenager I thought I was alone with my ideas.
Alone in the crowd, soon we will continue
Until then
Your Nicole
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