Before the big offsite that I wrote about last time, there was another day yesterday that really excited me. Excited might be the wrong word, but I was at least pretty proud of myself last night.
It was a day that I could never have dreamed of. It's no secret that we had two big events yesterday in which my department was involved. It's been a long time since I've dressed so formally or dressed up for an appointment at the bank, and certainly not as my former self. For the first time, I hadn't planned it for days and put it together in my mind, but spontaneously chose an outfit that was appropriate for the occasion. That alone is a difference to previous events, but it wasn't the only one.
Official events with lots of external guests and high-ranking internal participants right up to the top of our hierarchy are something different than taking the next small steps in a manageable and familiar professional environment. Moving around in this environment without worrying, facing external and internal guests without being able to avoid them, doing my job and being myself was a wonderful experience. An experience that showed me how far I have come but also how accepted I am in my professional environment.
I would like to make the comparison with my visit to Europapark again. As Claudia said so beautifully, I have found myself. Personally, I think I am still a bit away from that, but in any case it is only a fraction of the way I have come in the last few years.
If I was tense yesterday, it was because everything worked as smooth as it should and not because I was out and about as Nicole. Something that is simply difficult for me to grasp, even though there are some people who keep telling me that it has been like that for a long time.
I think I still need a little time to really realize all of this myself. But I am also a little proud of myself.
See you soon
Your Nicole
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