It's probably difficult to understand, but I was at a point where I was just mentally exhausted. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Even if the others would have liked to stay longer and I basically did too, I had to get out of this situation.
Claudia still worries that she was asking too much of me or that it wasn't a great day for me, but that's not true. It was an unforgettable, beautiful day. Unfortunately there were and there are always some people who despise people who don't fit into their scheme, I can't put it any other way. What I found most frightening was the people pointing fingers at me and laughing. When they got up, I saw that they were short people. Actually, I would have thought that people who are stared at often enough themselves would not do the same to others. Anyway, the absolute majority of the day was great and despite everything, it further boosted my self-confidence.
I was able to recharge my batteries on the drive back to Basel, but not enough for another trip. I had misunderstood that we would order some food to take home. But when I realized that we were about to go to a restaurant, I just wasn't able to face this anymore. It was clear to me that I wouldn't be able to get through it mentally, so I decided to switch on the fly. I don't think I've ever removed my make-up, stripped paint and turned into my male self as quickly as I did on that day. When we were seated at a large round table in the restaurant, where a couple was already sitting, I was very glad that I hadn't gone as Nicole.
I confess that I am still a little proud of myself that I manged to turn this idea into practice. From "I'll walk carefully around the block" to "I'll go out to eat and do an extensive city tour with a drink in a restaurant" to "I'll go to Europapark" in just under two years after 37 years more or less hiding was a rapid development .
It shouldn't be that long until the next trip again, I can tell you that much.
Until then
Your Nicole
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