Luxembourg was a really new phase in my double life, and not just because of the unsuccessful walk I mentioned last time. Since I started, I was restricted first by my parents and grandparents in the house and immediately afterwards by my first wife in our shared apartment, and was only very rarely able to pursue my passion. That changed a bit for the first time when I worked in Neubrandenburg for a while and only commuted home over the weekend or in exceptional cases. There can't have been much, because I confess I have hardly any memories of that time and the busy prefabricated building in which I lived wasn't really an ideal starting point.
Was an aparthotel really that much better? Amazingly, it was. Far from home and with plenty of alone time to come up with crazy ideas, it made a world of difference. Not only was I alone during the weekday evenings, there were also two to three weekends a month. So I started collecting again. A pack of tights here, a lipstick there. Soon I was reasonably equipped, including the things I had brought from Berlin.
It may sound easier than it felt to me personally. No matter what I had in my shopping cart or on the checkout belt, everyone just had to know that the lipstick, the pantyhose were for me. It just couldn't be that my wife or girlfriend had asked me to bring exactly this because I was shopping alone. How senseless this fear was and, admittedly, sometimes still is, always strikes me when I really buy something of this kind that is not for me at all. That's how it is with the head and the feeling - often difficult to get together. Right now, when I'm writing about Luxembourg, I'm feeling the same or at least similar and I'm unbelievably 25 years further.
Cautious, careless, careless, Maria - that's how it keeps going in Luxembourg.
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