The days over Christmas in Osnabrück showed me that I no longer had to hide there either. Coupled with the experience of "crowds" at the Chagall exhibition, I decided to visit the family in Osnabrück as Nicole. Three days including First Communion and the subsequent family celebration. As always, I started thinking about my outfits early, especially those for church. Arrivals and departures should be feminine but comfortable for the car journey, and communion celebrations a little more neutral. Initially, I thought about going to communion androgynously, so only the women's trousers, women's sweater with lace undershirt and brogues with a touch of foundation, no handbag, no further make-up and "flat", i.e. without a bra. But then I increasingly asked myself why I should do this.
A few days before the event, I was starting to get nervous, which I hadn't felt the last couple of times. But this time it was very different. I thought about it until Friday evening, even while packing my suitcase. On Saturday morning, however, it was all gone. With no jitters, lumps in my stomach, or palpitations, I straightened up, packed up the rest, and then we drove off. It wasn't until about ten to fifteen minutes after the departure that I realized how calm I was the whole time. This calm or relaxed attitude continued. She stopped as I went from ballerinas to driving to pumps, greeting sister-in-law (who said sweetly Nicole) and brother-in-law. She also stopped when we decided to go to the regular Greek and also the rest of the time or in the restaurant.
Sunday got off to a hectic start. Getting four people through Bad and having breakfast in front of the church wasn't easy. Since it was my turn last, I spread my make-up between before and after breakfast. I was very happy that I now had so much practice that it didn't take me forever. When the three of us finally stood in front of the large bathroom mirror and worked on the final touches of each make-up, I had to smile.
Melanie and I picked up her mother and drove to the church. I still wasn't really nervous. I still didn't make eye contact, but even as a Christian I'd never been a hero in crowds. Sure, there were various astonished looks and also rather derogatory ones, but I could deal with it better now. The church itself was relaxed and when I left I was taking care of my mother-in-law. So the crowded part was behind me and I was only surrounded by family. Everyone was very relaxed with me and I felt completely at ease. The two girls were really cool too.
There was nothing unusual on the day of departure, it was already the third day in a row as Nicole. Arriving in my home town, I quickly went to the Rewe as if I had never done it any differently. After the luggage was in the apartment, we put on something more comfortable. I exchanged the culottes and ballerinas for jeans and boots. So, made up, with blue glittering fingernails, we brought the car back to Europcar and took a taxi home again. The lady at Europcar didn't even bat an eyelid when she saw me.
I have often said about experiences that they have been a giant step. I can only underline that this weekend.
More soon about Hamburg and another visit to Osnabrück
Until then
Your Nicole
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