Looking back over the past few months, all I can say is that it has been an incredible development. But things continued after the last visit to Osnabrück. It started with the old town festival in Neu-Isenburg. A completely normal Friday morning, I got ready for the home office, i.e. put on my new favorite dress and put on my make-up. During the day Melanie reminded me of the party. I wondered if I should change my clothes for this, but Melanie casually let it slip that I could go like this, and so I did.
Me in a dress in Neu-Isenburg and then also at such an event. I couldn't have imagined that in my craziest mind games and yet it happened. So much has changed or developed in my life since 2017. I've often asked myself what happens next, what happens when I dare to take the next step. There was excitement and adrenaline every time. Was it the adrenaline? Always further and higher to have the "kick"? I confess the thought worried me. Why? Why me? Maybe it was because I had questioned or questioned myself all my life. What if everything were completely different?
The last few weeks have helped me a lot. Do I know what's going on with me? No, I still don't know. But what I do know for sure now is that it's not the adrenaline I'm looking for. It was liberating to experience the times in Osnabrück, Hamburg and Neu-Isenburg without any stress or excitement. It felt and still feels good, right - without any "kick". I was just allowed to be myself - after a little more than 40 years.
It wasn't easy to write this, maybe it leaves many questions unanswered or is simply incomprehensible, then just get in touch.
All the best
Your Nicole
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